How I came to find Gor....continued
Things were not easy to put it lightly while I was still living there. I shared with this "Master" that I was leaving her and he was none to pleased. He didn't want me, only to use me and he told my partner that she came into Gor knowing how it worked and he was a man and would do as he pleased. He then said that he would not use me like that anymore and we would just be friends. Certain things happened that confused me at the time. There would be things that he would say to me that I would take to mean that there was still a possibility. My "assumption" couldn't be further from the truth and I was berated by him, his friends and of course by my ex. I fell into a deep depression. Things were not well at work and my home life was now shattered and I was completely confused, so, I did something that I was used to doing, I ran from my problems. I took several pills one day at work in a cry for help. I was admitted into the hospital and put on medical leave for mild agoraphobia and clinical depression.
When I got out of the hospital, I found his id deleted and began to try to find a new place for me in Gor online. I had found out that I wanted this in offline, a man to control me, to serve. I had no idea that I was going about it the wrong way completely, but I continued on, finding a new "home". He came back one day and pm'ed me. He would pm me and start to talk to me, then ignore me and I was utterly confused. He told me not to talk to him one day, and shortly after, he came into a room and I greeted him, and of course I was berated for doing such. I sat in the room online and in my chair at home and sobbed while I was berated by him and by a FW that I thought was a friend. Another Master talked to me about what happened and told me to change my name and start out fresh because he believed I deserved it. He told me not to tell anyone who I was, not even him, and so, I saw this as an opportunity, and I seized it. So I changed my name, and changed how I typed and I went into a room and began "fresh". I went into a room one day, and there he was. I had planned on offering everyone and anyone service before I offered it to him, but he called me over to him before I even got my greetings out. I went to him and thought to myself this is it, if I tell him who I am, then I will never be able to start over, and I was told not to by the other Master. I decided to speak with him and just be myself, just not tell him everything. I thought, well, he doesn't like me so that won't change and he will tell me to buzz off. Thing is, he started to talk to me and he continued to do so. I carefully constructed what I would say to him in regards to whom I lived with (as I was still living with my ex but trying to find an apartment). He told me of this past girl he had talked to and even said my name to me, and said she was mental. I asked him why he was telling me those things and he said because he wanted to let me know in case I ran into her. We actually ended up talking in pm and voice for several hours over the next week and a half, roughly 35-40 hours and he collared me online. The next day, I accidentally left my messenger up and my ex came home early and saw a pm from him and asked him why he was speaking to me. He, of course, flipped out and I came home to it and tried to speak to him and he ripped the collar off of my neck and told me I was a lying cunt. Ok, now, the truth is, I did lie, and I failed as a slave to him and to myself. I chose to listen to one Master's instructions to me as opposed to the Master to whom I had wanted a relationship with, simply put, because I -did- want one with him. I had hoped that since he was getting to know the -real- me (laughs now looking back), that once I felt like it was safe I would tell him who I was. Man, was I ever delusional! Needless to say, I'm sure the man will never allow me the chance to apologize to him and frankly, I can't blame him.  
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