Response to Care of the Soul Chapter 1
The following contains excerpts from "Care of the Soul". It was suggested to me by Mistress that I read this book. The day she suggested it, I went to a discount book store and purchased it. Since then, I have shared some of the excerpts to others and they too have went out to get it. This book, thus far, is amazing! It is written by Thomas Moore, and I highly recommend it. It can be purchased from several places online such as Amazon or E-Bay, although I am not placing my "stamp of approval" on either of those places, the books can be bought through them or I'm sure your local book store. I in no way lay claim to the words taken from his book that I have listed below. I humbly encourage anyone reading this to read the book as it can provide so much insight into ones nature.
One of the first things that struck me about this chapter was that it speaks of the care of the soul not as fixing or curing the problems in your life, but accepting them, caring for them, giving them understanding so that one might be able to deal with those problems. It speaks several times that this is not an easy task, but one necessary in order to be able to live life with the amount of pleasure it should be lived. Often times, when hard things come, I know I tend to see them as the worst, thinking, yep I knew it was too good to last. Instead, this book speaks of me trying to look at those hard times as a chance to look further into my soul to find good out of it and see why I see it as bad. In this first chapter, he gave a specific example of a woman who came in and said that being dependent was bad. Of course with my tendencies, I found his input on it quite interesting. This is the person I was molded into, for whatever reason, this is who I am, a submissive woman. I've spent years fighting certain urges, certain desires because society as deemed wanting to -not- be independent as a bad thing. He says "I had the feeling this woman, as seems often to be the case, was avoiding intimacy and friendship by focusing these qualities into a caricature of excessive dependency. At times we live these caricatures, thinking we are being masochistically dependent, when what we actually are doing is avoiding deep involvement with people, society, and life in general." This spoke to me. Of course I am learning to be independent, and that is not a bad thing. I am learning now for myself, to look closer at my soul and the fears associated with being independent. Perhaps, briefly it may be seem as going against what is in my soul, but there is a shadow to every light, a good for a bad, a right for a wrong, balance if you will. By caring for both pieces, I am caring for the whole of me. I have said before that I didn't want to take medication to "fix" my problems, I had wanted to learn how to cope with them. To put it another way, I without realizing it, was wanting to figure out a way to care for my soul, to care for me. People live everyday with problems, struggles, stresses and I merely want to figure out a way to do that without feeding unnatural things into my body. I was created like this a woman, evolved from child to woman with complexity, there is nothing wrong with -me-, only how I have chosen to tackle or not tackle my problems. "By trying to avoid human mistakes and failures, we move beyond the reach of the soul", he says. Of course I'm going to fail and make mistakes, I'm human! Me trying to be perfect and cursing myself when I am not merely takes me further from myself and my soul. "Taking an interest in one's own soul requires a certain amount of space for reflection and appreciation". This is where I am at now. This is not the first time I have read this chapter, but the second time. The first time I read through it, gave it a few days, then picked it back up with a highlighter in hand, went to a restaurant, ordered some food and sat and read leisurely. The first time, I thought these things through, sat on them and let them brew for a bit, then I read them again and I understood it better, I could reflect easier. I went to a place where I felt I wouldn't be disturbed, turned off my cell, and spent time with me and this book. I was giving myself the space needed to focus on me and my soul. As I stated before, I am complex, good and bad are in me, like everyone. Like most I am sure, I wanted to hide the bad parts, push them down, ignore them, deny them, but what I was doing was making it more difficult for myself to live. In not accepting those things about me, I am hating myself and "splitting" my soul. Of course this will make life harder on me, inside I'm in turmoil! "Moralism is one of the most effective shields against the soul, protecting us from its intricacy. There is nothing more revealing, and may be nothing more healing, than to reconsider our moralistic attitudes and find how much soul has been hidden behind its door...As we deal with the soul's complexity, morality can deepen and drop its simplicity, becoming at the same time both more demanding and more flexible." Over the past several months, I have been struggling with my wants and needs that I have felt in my gut. This has been me looking at my moralistic attitude, and seeing those things that are in me and trying to cope with them. Frankly, I'm tired of justifying what I want, yet I continually do it, but I don't think it's been to justify it to others, but to myself. I'm done! Yes, I desire a lot, love, care, dominance, strength, so many things. I have had the love, and I still felt lonely and empty because I was denying other things that I wanted. When the time is right there will be a man that will dominant me, master me and I shall live it. I felt it was wrong for me to want to love in this lifestyle, but I was mistaken. Of course I will love, I already do, just in different ways. I love those that spend time with and care about me, that have nudged me, sometimes, downright pushed me other times, to better myself, and I feel a certain amount of love back. I know some have a hard time with that word, but I don't and it's what I feel in response and there isn't anything wrong in that. I'm not delusional or anything, merely looking inside my soul and seeing that there are different forms of love that I react to. "The Greeks told the story of the minotaur, the bull-headed flesh-eating man who lived in the center of the labyrinth. He was a threatening beast, and yet his name was Aserion---Star. I often think of this paradox as I sit with someone with tears in her eyes, searching for some way to deal with a death, a divorce, or a depression. It is a beast, this thing that stirs in the core of her being, but it is also the star of her innermost nature. We have to care for this suffering with extreme reverence so that, in our fear and anger at the beast, we do not overlook the star." I am looking and caring for my star. It will take time, and it will continue everyday, for the rest of my life. I will falter, but I will rise and remember that loving myself and listening to my heart and my soul will help me love myself each day. ~ancilla  Home  Gor My life Essays Self Examination Quotes Music Resources Credits Links Email Other Stuff
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