Response to Proactive vs. Reactive slaves
The following is the link to the essay, "Proactive vs. Reactive slaves" by kaylee, below is my response to it.
Greetings, Mistress, Upon reading this essay, I noticed a couple of things about myself and my own journey. One is that you and others that guide me have tried to instill upon me to be a proactive slave girl, to understand why I do the things I do or think a certain way and to even give thought to understand there are reasons behind every command given to me. Second, that I seemed to go backwards in this regard when I stumbled. It was like I just shut down and could only react to those things happening inside me and even push some of those things away. I think that during that time period, I forget or misplaced or set aside the goals that I had set for myself and the place where the Free that had spent time with me hoped I could progress to. I lost sight of the priorities that had been taught to me and that was to work on myself and that other things would fall naturally into place. Thus, my mistakes became more and the more I tried to be perfect, the less I actually was. So, I started to beat myself up for it and doubt myself and who I was. I'm not perfect and I shall never be perfect as everyday I should grow because when I stop growing and thinking, I'll die. Not the dramatic and literal fall to my death in a heart attack thing, although that should be the only way to stop growing, but in the sense of me, my soul, my being. Part of me, has been in all essence dying, out of fear, out of putting aside what makes me happy and what things push me to be better. I gave thought to this essay as I read it last night and slept on it. I wondered what kind of Master would want a slave around that was the way I had been lately, and I wept. No, I'm not perfect, but my desire to serve the Free and in doing so, myself can be darn close to it. It's hardest to look inside yourself and see the truth sometimes, but that's also being strong and the slave and the woman that I know I should and can be. Wishing you well, In service ancilla  Home  Gor My life Essays Self Examination Quotes Music Resources Credits Links Email Other Stuff
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