Response to Emotional Censorship
The following is the link to the essay, "Emotional Cencorship" by kaylee, below is my response to it.
Greetings, Mistress, This essay talks about one of the things that I must do, but it makes me more vulnerable. That is, being honest with my emotions. I've touched on this a number of times in my journal, how because I shouldn't hide those feelings, when I reveal them I'm frightened that it opens me up more for pain. This is something that helped to cause my slide, and is perhaps one of the hardest things for me because of my trust issues. It takes thought sometimes to remember that it's not my place to hide them and that if I do hide them, I'm not providing a level of service that say you and Master Unbuilder, expect. I've even mentioned the fact that sometimes I am fearful of what I put in my journal as being displeasing and knowing that you and Master Zed read it, that I have to buckle down and say, it's -my- journal. While it's been much easier for me to write things in there or speak them on the phone to you, it's been a harder lessen in opening myself up completely, to be naked so to speak, to others. It's not easy to do, but it's required if I wish to move forward. There are somethings that I've told to Master Zed that were incredibly hard, because they are my raw feelings and I know that this relationship won't go anywhere, at least at this moment in time, and it seems logically, almost asinine to reveal them to him. But I have to, it is what I'm supposed to do and it's pleasing for me to do so. It does get a -little- easier with time. I honestly was incredibly happy to see how I responded with Master "Evan" and while I don't feel certain ways to Master "Tim", I am trying desperately to be honest in my feelings and to be pleasing as well. Sometimes it takes great effort, while others not as much, but the key is, I can't stop trying. Walling myself up benefits no one, least of all myself. As you've told me before, there is no right or wrong feelings, it's only how I handle them that can be right or wrong, good or bad. Wishing you well, In service ancilla  Home  Gor My life Essays Self Examination Quotes Music Resources Credits Links Email Other Stuff
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